Name: Lauren
E-Mail:
AIM: lamariedmb
00:03:01 11/20/03
Comments:
I'm going crazy eric i really am. I've been telling hillary how lately this is affecting me very badly. I'ts two in the morning, i can't sleep, i can't eat.. I'm sitting in my room crying for you, pleading for you.. i thought coming on the site would make me feel better but it doesn't.. please come back eric.. please... we'd do anything for you.. oh god this is so terrible.. dont you understand that this is the worst thing ever.. How can i learn from something i never wanted to learn.. This is so painful it's debilitating.. oh god eric im begging you this isn't fair to anyone.. including you.. Why?
Name: ***We would have done anything to take away your pain***
E-Mail:
AIM:
08:06:01 11/19/03
Comments:
Adam's Song -
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
no wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
the choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
you'll be sorry when I'm goneI never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
to pass the time in my room alone I never thought I'd die alone
another six months I'll be unknown
give all my things to all my friends
you'll never step foot in my room again
you'll close it off, board it up
remember the time that I spilled the cup
of apple juice in the hall
please tell mom this is not her fault I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when I still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
to pass the time in my room alone I never conquered, rarely came
tomorrow holds such better days
days when I can still feel alive
when I can't wait to get outside
the world is wide, the time goes by
the tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
to pass the time in my room alone
Name: me
E-Mail:
AIM:
01:56:38 11/19/03
Comments:
graffers~
hey baby! havent written in awhile! just wanted to say that i miss u tons and that everything here is goin great! i see hillary sometimes and it makes me think of you! i hate that u arent here ne more bc i have so many stories, but i no tht u see what is going on so that makes me feel even better! its like u are there every time i need u and everytime soemthing crazy happens! i just wanted to say hi and i miss u like crazy! save a place for me on the track! i love ya!
r.i.p. graffers!
nic
Name: ****
E-Mail:
AIM: ***
18:04:20 11/18/03
Comments:
"i MISS u more & more as each day passes, but i guess that is just 1 more day closer 2 being w/u I promise u that i will live in the way u taught me how (uh oh!) Its very lonley w/out my BF here & there r times i have no1 2 turn 2bc only u can help me but i know ur watching over me helping me 2b good so that ill cu again 1 SWEET DAY i love u tons ill never forget u!"
If everyone only knew the truth!
Name: Hillary Griffin
E-Mail:
AIM: Hcutie707
11:09:38 11/18/03
Comments:
Hey Er~I miss you so much. It is so hard for people to understand how I feel about you here. But I call home and everyone knows, they dont even have to ask. I was saying to Lauren today that since you died, I believe in ghosts and I am not afraid. I wish so badly that I could just see you again. I would feel so lucky. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I just dont get over it. The littlest things happen, and I just freak out and cry for hours. Dustin and the girls know because I always call them. I feel like ever since I left, I didn't just leave my house and my parents, I left you and all of my memories. I remember watching that stupid disney show Fast
Forward when i was little, and tucker and Becca were best friends. And I would always think that you were my Tucker hahaha. We lived pretty close, not next door like on Fast forward, but a few blocks! So many people feel guilt about your death Er. I feel guilty because I was not home. My mom and Caitlins mom found out the morning after, and me and Cait were in the airport getting ready to go home, and Caitlins step mom got a phone call, and she wouldn't tell us who it was from but she sounded really confused. And on the whole flight home I was freaking out, I felt so uneasy about the flight. When we dropped Cait off at her moms, I saw her mom open the door and I thought something was wrong. And when we got to my house I saw my mom and I knew something was wrong. My mom and Caits mom called her step mom to tell her what had happened and to tell her to not let us use her cell phone to call our friends, becuase they didn't want us finding out like that. I am so mad that you cant come back. How can god take you away from us? How could this have been a part of his plan? A girl at school told me the other day that she thinks that I need serious psychiatric help because of all of this. I just told her that my friends and my family and my memories are my psychiatry, and that I've always been a little crazy haha, this just didn't help much!:)
No one will ever take your place. I look at pictures of you, and everything about you is exactly how I remember. Your hair color, that no woman could ever get out of a bottle. Your smile that was so comforting, it made anything that was bad just go away. I remember my first day of work was the day after I got back from spring break and that was two days after you died, I dont know how I went, I was so numb. But I remember telling you that I finally got a job, and you were so excited for me hahaha. You asked me if I could get you a discount on a dog hahah! You were an amazing friend, son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson, and just an amazing person. We were blessed to have you for as many years as we did.
Me you and Cait, Pony Party forever!!! I cannot wait to see you again. I love you with all of my heart,
Hill
Name: Luke
E-Mail:
AIM:
22:18:32 11/17/03
Comments:
G-Unit,
Love and miss u kid!! Keep lookin out for all of us dawg!!
Name: .....
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:28:17 11/17/03
Comments:
sup g-unit, hope ur having fun up there
Name: Shannon
E-Mail:
AIM:
16:13:15 11/17/03
Comments:
Hey Eric!
How u doin? I hope your doin good up there... I just wanted to stop by and say hello and let you know we're still missin ya!! I get my liscence sooN! haha i kno im a youngin.. I wish you were still around so i could take all of us on one last journey--haha.. Well I love you n Miss you like crazy!!-Shan-
Name: Julie Dominy
E-Mail:
AIM:
11:46:54 11/17/03
Comments:
Hey buddy! I'm in school writing again...it seems like I never get anytime to do anything anmymore let alone go online so I try and sneak on a computer every once and awhile to drop in a line or two. Well Thanksgiving Break is here! Everyone is coming home this weekend and I cannot wait to see everyone. I've missed them! I think about you all the time Eric and how much I miss you and wish that you were coming back too. But I've faced reality and although it hurts so much to finally face the truth...I'm feeling somewhat better now...I still miss you more than anything and wish that I could turn back the hands of time...but I can't. But now atleast I'm coming to the realization that you are in a better place now and you are much much happier. Please watch over all of us and make sure everyone gets home this weekend safely. We will be thinking of you! I love you Grafferz!
Love,
Julie
Name: Lauren
E-Mail: laurenpatrizi@yahoo.com
AIM: lamariedmb
09:13:46 11/17/03
Comments:
Hey Eric,
I just wanted to let you know I think about you every couple of hours.. I always wondered if people from heaven can read our minds. I bet that would be pretty scary! lol.. Well if you can read my mind, you know I have been thinking about you all the time, but please, dont listen to what im saying in my head all the time! Anyways, lately i've been having a lot of dreams about you. I always have drowning dreams for whatever reason (no, i dont know what freud says about that), and lately you've been in them. Either saving me or I've found you on the side of the water. I dont know it's freaking me out though. Last night in Dave's room I kept wish you would just appear. Like right next to me.. I was freaking myself out, i kept watching for you in the mirror. You know what hurts the most? When I imagine all of the little details of you. The sound of your laugh hurts the most. Your distinct laugh that always started off soft and ended up getting louder. Your smile and laugh was contagious. Everytime I hear your laugh it's like someone is squeezing my heart. God, eric I could say i miss you but i know that doesn't mean anything since CHRIST EVERYONE MISSES YOU. Think of anyone you touched and they miss you. All of us miss you and want you back so badly. We'd do anything eric, any one of us. Hillary and I went to the cemetary like month and 1/2 ago.. I literally broke down on your grave. I'm serious Eric we'd do anything.. Please I still want to wake up. It's weird because I try to displace myself from the situation like I wasn't friends withyou.. But I always end up with the same memory. There was like 10 of us girls.. Your best girlfriends. We were walking arm and arm up to the doors of the funeral home.. All of us sobbing.. That is the image that resounds in my head everyday and it's like a whole new heartbreak every time i think of it. I wish I could've said something or done something.. What is wrong with me? You were with me only 3 days before.. God, how can a friend be so blind? Why couldn't you have trusted me.. Dont you know that all of us love you so much Eric?Love you
Lauren ...We're here without you baby, but you're still on our lonely minds, We think about you baby, and we dream about you all the time....
Name: schade
E-Mail:
AIM:
15:23:04 11/16/03
Comments:
what up graf, just stoppin in and sayin hi. I didnt want you to think that any of us are startin to forget about you because we dont write on this as much as we used to. Personally, Ive just gone other places with my feelings about you, but this site is still as important as it was before. Hope things are awesome. I love ya graf and I miss you a lot. later, rachel
Name: Alesha
E-Mail: LeeLee2335@aol.com
AIM: KurruptedAngelz
11:29:42 11/16/03
Comments:
Hey Eric, you never knew me... prolly cuz I lived kinda far away in Virginia lol. I'm not exactly sure how I came across this page but I did about 4 months ago and every once in a while I still come back to read messages your friends leave. It's really touchin knowin how much they all care for you. Sadly you're not still here to be w/ them physically. Like I said, I never knew you and I dunno wut you were goin through when you made tha devastatin decision to end your life, but from readin tha posts on here every freekin person you met loved you sweety. This really touched me and brought back many memories of wut I wuz goin through a while back. From tha time I wuz 13-15 I had no desire to live. I still have scars on my wrists that will never go away. They're a reminder of tha pain I felt every day after wakin up. I never thought anyone cared about me and I only lived to please everyone else, never my self and I wuz very unhappy. One day everything spilled out to my cousin who is one year younger than me. He told me that even though he never told me, I had always been his role model and he wished he could be more like me. Since then I've turned my life around and slowly I'm gettin better. At tha moment I'm 17 and a senior in high school. Last night, my boyfriend proposed to me and all last night I couldn't help but think about how I wouldn't be where I am today if I had chose to end my life. I said yes of course and realized I wuz wrong for thinkin no one cared about me. I wish that you could have another chance at life, maybe this time you would change things and you would still be here to enjoy your friends and family. It's so sad you left here bein so young sweety, but I also can understand that things may have gotten to be too overwhelmin. I only wish you had taken tha time to talk to someone about how you felt and changed your mind about wut you did. You will be in my heart forever Eric. To all of Eric's friends and family, may God bless you and you will be in my prayers over tha upcomin holidays. Much Love, *+*Alesha*+*
Name: Amy
E-Mail: a_zuidema@hotmail.com
AIM: amymayyo
02:15:03 11/16/03
Comments:
Eric- I just wanted to say what an impact you have had on my life, though we have never known eachother. It's crazy how life can be put into perspective among complete strangers. The impact your life has had on those who knew you amazes me and encourages me to become a better person. You left such a legacy, and have taught me what is important in life. It seems as though you mangaed to keep a smile on anyones face that you encountered. You also seem to be a friend to SO many!! Eric- those are amazing characteristics that I think many kids our age need to develop. I have had the privilege to get to know 2 of your friends this year at MSU. I know that you have had a tremendous impact on both of their lives and have helped form the amazing women they are today. I want to thank you today for not only that, but for helping me realize what's important in life. You seem like one awesome guy Eric, I have been praying and will continue praying for your family and friends. I can only imagine the beauty and happiness that is surrounding you today.......
Name: Tony
E-Mail: injenracer@comcast.net
AIM: osirisridr99
21:48:09 11/15/03
Comments:
eric,You didn't know me but my brother Joe Smith did. Dude we all miss you so much. How are you doing up there?I don't really know what to put but we all are going to miss you and i just wanted you to know that. I'm speaking for all of us when i say that we are never going to forget you.
And for those people that dont have respect for suicide you stay the off this website,because this is for people that need to write something in memory of Eric Graf. We miss you,
Tony
Name: John
E-Mail: john@styllstanding.com
AIM: .
14:45:01 11/15/03
Comments:
STYLLTo know what its like to have love and lost is a feeling that really tightens at you heart and soul..ironically i have a song on our cd called gone but not forgotten that deals with eaxctly what your going through. I also have a song called still standing that was written for a friend that passed from cancer not too long ago, I dedicate this cd to all who know what its like to lose someone so near and dear. Hold your head up and hang in there, i know your friend would want that.
PEACE.....
John Harvan
STYLL
www.styllstanding.com
Name: an onlooker
E-Mail:
AIM:
18:40:23 11/14/03
Comments:
dear eric,
i have never written here before so i thought id leave a little something. you dont really know me, probably never even heard my name. weve only spoken once and that was just for a brief moment. even though i didnt know you all that well, i knew of you. i heard stories about you and how you always had people laughing their asses off. you seemed like you were the coolest person to be around. even though im writin you a couple months after what happened, something inside me said it had to be done. this has affected me in a way that nothing could have. everytime i hear the song that plays in the background i just get this huge feeling of somberness. to see all my friends have the same feeling just made me gasp. i never thought that one person could have such and impact. we all miss you eric. we know your in heaven looking down on us making sure we are all ok. thanks for the memories eric peace
Name: meg
E-Mail: kendal48@msu.edu
AIM:
16:43:30 11/14/03
Comments:
hey eric. you dont know who i am, but i found this link off of a friend in my psych class's aim profile. i clicked it and found a really touching site. i have no doubt in my mind that you were a great person to everyone that knew you. it sounds like you were quite the guy to know based on what ive read so far. i cried when i read your website not because of the life you led so cheerily (at least on the surface), but for the life you didnt get to finish. i wish i had had the honor to know what a great guy im sure you were (and still are). people care about you and when they reach you in heaven, im sure they will let you know. please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and i wish the best for everyone that is mourning over the lost life of eric. peace be with you all.~megan
Name: Samantha
E-Mail:
AIM:
15:34:25 11/14/03
Comments:
Eric-
i come to this site very often to see what people have written. Even though i wasn't a great friend of yours i still pray for the best for your friends and family. Everyone still misses you as much as before! Take care of the ones you love.
best wishes-
Sam
Name: Jess M.
E-Mail:
AIM: HuNnIeBuNnIe7601
21:58:57 11/13/03
Comments:
Hey Eric. I just wanted to stop by and say hi. Just been thinking about ya lately.2morrow is my dad's birthday-he would've been 39. But since he died, I'm goin back to Ohio to visit my family and go to his grave and put some flowers or something down for him. I just wish I would've known why he committed suicide... I wish we could know why you did...but we'll never knew. But all that matters is that you are in a better and happier place. I hope ur havin fun up there. Tell my dad I said hi and that I love him...thanks. XoXo
Name: one who cares
E-Mail:
AIM:
20:56:34 11/13/03
Comments:
Hey Guys,
Don't fret, of course we all don't respect the way Eric's life ended...you can't respect an action. What we did and still do respect is our Eric.
Name: phill
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:13:32 11/13/03
Comments:
what up g $, i always think about the little things we use to do. i'll never forget the time u learned the top gun theme song for me and played it on ur guitar. that just shows u how good of a guy u were. u always liked to make everyone smile. one of my best friends from marian is leavin for the marines on sunday. i was just seein if u could watch over him a bit and just make sure hes safe. its hard losing him for 4 years. i still havent got over ur passing. some days i dont think about it, and other days i cant sleep because thats all i think about. but i know ur in a better place and doin what u would like to be doin. not down here stressed out cuz fake ass people dont stay true to what the believe. but be easy and watch over the p's and ur brother. later buddy
Name: lil cuz
E-Mail: wannabhoplesslyinlove@yahoo.com
AIM:
16:41:10 11/13/03
Comments:
heyy eric it's your little cousin again. i have to say every day i look on this website and since then ive dedicated the song "the scientist" to you and only you. "I'm sorry you didn't know how lovely you are"...anyway i miss you er. every day when i walk in lincoln-way's hallways i think to myself that you once walked these same hallways trying to figure out how to get through high school, you were so close... it's gonna be an emotional christmas this year at grandma's now we have to light a candle for you and uncle jeff. Hey, do you remember every christmas grandma used to line all of the grandkids up in a line according to our age, we'd all be holding candles, and walking towards the manger...you used to stand 2 places away from me... ill miss that so much. i never told you this but i was so jealous of you. you used to hang out with the 'big' cousins and be all cool and stuff... i didn't know if you knew this but the night you died i was just one room away in the house, i wanted to come into your room to see you but i was scared... im sorry, i hope you understand...another thing i want to apologize for is the mornign of your funeral they were offering an 'open casket' viewing for just family only but i couldn't go, i was afraid that the last time i'd see you for awhile was like that, im sorry. I feel like i didn't show how much i loved you at your funeral, i barely cried, trust me i wanted to so hard too. I could go on about regrets and apoligies but i know that you wouldn't want that, so ill only sat it ONE more time, im sorry... Your mom is doing better i saw her the other day, i just wanna hold her and tell her that everything is gonna be alright, but i guess the cool and calm side from you got rubbed off on me a little bit. well im thinking i should go, but not forever... I'll be here whenever you need me... Until then.....
Love Always,
Sarah
Name: Concerned
E-Mail:
AIM:
06:39:08 11/13/03
Comments:
Eric,Whoever said that about no respect for suicide has no respect for you and is probably one of the people who was jerking you around. Pay no attention, he/she is not worth the time. It doesn't matter when or how, all that matters is you are gone and there is a big hole in all our hearts without you. We miss you and have nothing but respect. To the people who did not know eric, please stay off the website or keep your comments to yourself. This is a place for all of eric's friends to write to him and give them comfort knowing that he is with them and will always be, so please have respect for him and his family and don't write anything that would hurt them. Thank you.
Name: cait
E-Mail:
AIM:
16:37:30 11/12/03
Comments:
Hey kiddo, just wanted to stop by and say i am still thinking about you and missing you everyday. i still can't make sense of all this eric. i still await the day that this will get easier but it really just doesn't. i know i will never be ok with this, because the only thing that would make it ok would be if you were here...which unfortunately will never be. but there's comfort in the fact that i WILL see you again in heaven dude. i'm real excited to go home and see everyone, but there is always something missing in every reunion, every party-just always...there's a void in our lives and our hearts that will never be able to be filled. but i love you er, and i know you're up there watching over all of us, especially your family. we all love and miss you buddy.
love forever and ever,
caitlin
Name: jules
E-Mail:
AIM:
07:27:43 11/11/03
Comments:
Graf~well...its been awhile since ive written on ur page! i cant believe its been so long since we lost you! so much has changed! summer was an awesome time...but it just wasnt the same without you around! and not being at the fort like every other nite put a huge void in the summer! a day doesnt go by that i dont think of you...and i along with many others still ask myself why? i guess no one will ever know...but i do know that you're in a better place now...ur happy...ur pain is gone...and thats all that matters! i just wish that there was something someone could have done...cuase graf...u were such an amazing person! u deserve to still be here!! we miss ur crazyness so much! a lot of people are away at college. a day doesnt go by that me and bridget dont talk about you...u always come up in conversation! i love being here with her...so we can have eachother to talk to...to comfort when times get tough...it feels like just yesturday that we were all hanging out in bookhouts basement the nite before your death! we talk all the time about how fortunate we are that we got to see you that night!! well...i gotta get back to my studying...just wanted to remind u that we all miss you like crazy and wish you could come back!! love you er!! miss you tons! take care of ur family while ur up there buddy! :)
to eric's family...my prayers will forever go out to you!!
much love
julie schroeder
Name: Jenny
E-Mail:
AIM: JennyJ829
22:35:35 11/10/03
Comments:
hey you! how ya doing? I miss you so much! Seriously there is not a day I dont think about you! Everytime i come to this page i still get chills! its so awesome to see everyone still write! I cant wait til break when i get to see everyone again! and we all know u will be there with us. College is cool.....and everyone who comes down here just makes me think of all the great times we have had together! just the other day i was talking to dybas and shawn about that summer when i hung out with you guys everyday! that summer was awesome! not a bad day! I just really miss you.....so much reminds me of you its hard! Well im gonna get goin.....and as soon as i get home for xmas break...im gonna come visit you! MISS YOU! and LOVE YOU! Keep an eye on everyone! Love~JennyJ
Name: cait
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:44:05 11/10/03
Comments:
hey kiddo...just stopped by to say i love you and God, i miss you so much everyday eric. i feel like it was just yesterday, because it's still so hard. there isn't anything i wouldn't give to see your face again, one more day and one more amazing smile. you laughed louder than anyone i knew and i miss hearing it. things are kinda rough but i know you're watching out for all of us...make sure you keep an eye on your mom, dad, and dave...but i'm sure you are...i love you eric.
love cait
Name: Julie
E-Mail:
AIM:
00:10:32 11/08/03
Comments:
Hey Graf! Wow! Everythings been sooo weird lately... i think about you constantly! Every little thing reminds me of you. We're playing vollyball in gym and i cant help but think about the good old days in Mrs. V's class-how we had the BEST vollyball team out there and how we would we give someone the MVP award to the person that did the best! Halloween just past too... i went to vistit shawn (aka lunch buddy) It was a blast but then again i thought about the kick ass party you through last year. Nothing would ever compare. I have the same lunch as last year...i sit at a different lunch table but every now and then i look over to where we used to sit and just think about all the good times we've had...hahah shooting for who would take up the trays or all the push pop days and anytime one person was missing it would be a "fun lunch" (haha) I miss all those days. Tonight i went to Stets house.... anytime i go there i just imagine you there with your "I'm here for the beer" hat on... sitting on the counter laughing and having a good time, and thats all i can do... imagine. Oh yeah, so like a month ago i went to visit you... i seriously walked around the cemetery by myself for 45 minutes... i knew the area i just couldnt find you...i was soo mad at myself! I promise I'll try again soon! Well i just wanted to say hi and i love you tons! Come visit me sometime... times two!
Name: Christie yorke
E-Mail:
AIM:
09:03:25 11/07/03
Comments:
Eric,
I cannot believe how long it has been since we all last saw you. We are all in college now, all grown up, it's pretty weird. I am sorry i have written in a long time, but i have been so busy. College is insanly awesome, it's all a big party, and studying of course (haha). You would love it, well not the studying, but the partying. i just want you to know that i think about you all the time, and i really wish you were still with us all. you know that if you were still with us you would be here at NIU all the time. I hope all is going well in Heaven. I am sure your pimping all those angels haha, thats my boy!! haha well i just wish you were here and not a day goes by that i don't think of you . I'll write soon, keep watching over me, you've been doing a great job so far!
i love you baby!
<3 christie :)
Name: Kobit
E-Mail:
AIM:
18:05:41 11/06/03
Comments:
Well Graph, its been a while since you left us but seems like it was just yesterday we were drivin around just gettin baked doin that stupid shit that i remember the most. it's like everytime i come on this page it get's longer and longer since we last seen you that last night at focias and i thought it would get easier but i remember you like it was yesterday, always makin them goofy ass faces like the one u got on this page. I never thought i'd say this but i miss highscool soo much when we had everyone to talk to and just kick it and i guess i never realized how much i love everyone of my friends soo much until you left us. it's sad but you brought us together. Now its even harder with most of them at college and shit but i know they'll be back so i try not to stress it. I guess im juss kinda throwin my thoughts at u right now cuz i know ur listnin but i juss wanna say i got nuthin but love for ya and i aint mad at ya. When luke and them all come back were gonna party like we used to for ur ass and hold down the G-unit. Oh ya well come out to ur grave site and smoke a hoober too juss so i can say i smoked u out for once instead of u always smokin me out. I love ya G, Kobit
Name: Julie Dominy
E-Mail: Juliegrl55@aol.com
AIM:
11:52:29 11/06/03
Comments:
Well Er, here I am...I know it's been awhile...I'm sorry. I'm at school right now...yeah good old Lincoln-Way East...and as I type this I am counting back in my head how many more days until graduation. I miss everyone being at school...I miss everyone gathering around Kobit's locker...I miss saying hi to almost everyone that passed....I miss seeing you. I miss gym class bc it will never be as cool as our class last yr....I just miss you in general. Hillary was right...your family is your backbone...you can't stand without them. Granted you have some friends that will always be around...your heart-your home-and your truth is with your family. I realize this more an mroea and this year starts to pass...I will be going to college and leaving my family...and God without Luke around I feel so empty. I usually talk to Luke once a day...and I always think about him...and Nick...when we're driving to school sometimes I just look at him realize how fortunate to have the best two brothers any girl could ask for. I think about how lucky I am and it pains me because I think of Dave. And I think about how much I miss Luke but then I remember that he is coming home soon. I can't imagine how it must feel to know that your brother isn't coming home. Er, we all miss you...tons...it's so goofy with everyone at school...I think back on when everyone was here...and I think about Grant's house and the football games...and dances and stuff but mostly I think about everyone being together after you passed. We all clung to eachother and being so close with everyone made it so much harder to watch them go. The only thing that I think about though when I miss them a lot is that Thanksgiving is around the corner and everyone will be coming home...and then I think about how we're one short. You're that missing link...and the break in the chain is sometimes to much to bear. I think about you all the time Eric...We all miss you so much...
I'll write to you soon...
With love,
Julie
Name: Not a day goes by
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11:33:26 11/06/03
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Your meant so much to all of us
You were special and thats no lie
You brightened up the darkest day
And the cloudiest skyYour smile alone warmed hearts
Your laugh was like music to hear
We would give absolutely anything
To have you standing near Many tears I have seen and cried
They have all poured out like rain
I know that you are happy now
And no longer in any pain
Name: DP
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22:41:43 11/05/03
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Eric-
Damn G, shit is rough man. College is hard as shit and it aint the same without any of my friends here. I got this picture of you that i keep in my room, but it usually just stays in the drawer. Everytime I look at it, I just remember all the shit that went on, all the great times and all the bad times, and shit man it's rough lookin back on all that shit and having you not be here. I think about yo' ass all the time man and this shit still aint easier. Everyone will be goin back home for Thanksgiving in a few weeks and it's gonna be tyte to see everyone, but you're still not gonna be there. Shit boy, I just wanted to say what up cuz it's been a long ass time man. Keep lookin out for me and everyone else who loves you man. Keep it real up there and make sure that shit is poppin' when the rest of us join you.
Much Love G,
DP
Name: Cait
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21:48:48 11/05/03
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Hey kiddo, a friend of mine played this song for me and it just makes me think of you...and i haven't stopped playing it haha...i still think about you everyday and miss you everyday i love you er!
love cait"Shine" -Pat McGee Band "I hear you walkin around this house sometimes
I wish you never chose to cross that line
Now you walk among the famous ones
You're the angels' sun, but now you're gone
And you chose to shine
Sorry but you know that we're
Far from fine He won't be comin' home for quite some time
Guess I'll have to see you on the other side
Now you walk among the famous ones
You're the angels' sun but now you're gone
And you chose to shine
Even on the line
Sorry, but you know that we're
Far from fine
I will live these days, no I won't
No I, I won't hide..." there's more but it's real long haha and i know you hear me listening to it...I MISS YOU KID!!!
Name: Lindsey
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20:34:45 11/05/03
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Eric- oman.. i havent wrote in here in a long ass time.. but its weird cuz i think about you all the time. I miss you so much its crazy! Your name was brought up in my class today and i started crying, i had to hold it back so hard.. it seems like it is harder for me now then it was before. I always just see your face random places and it makes me think of how fun you are to be around. Its kinda like i still dont believe it, and maybe its cuz i dont want to. Its been like a while now and im just lettin u kno that we are still thinking about you everday and how much you are missed by me and everyone else! I wish you were still here with us to laugh and have fun! I will NEVER forget the last nite that we spent together! I Love you! --Lindsey--
Name: shannon
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10:31:35 11/05/03
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Hey sweetheart how's it going? Im alright I guess just sittin in school and I had nothing else to do so I decided to write to you.. It has been so long since you were here, it's insane.. Over 6 months.. That is so crazy! 6 months is a long time to not see someone you truly care about. We all had some badass times together, I just wish we coulda made a lot more memories together before you left.. ya kno? I wish I woulda known that those last few days (including 4/20 haha) that we hung out were going to be one of the last. I miss you like crazy babe.. Keep watchin everyone and have fun bein the crazy guy that you are up in heaven.. :)
Love Always-Shannon
P.S. We almost lost another good guy a couple of days ago, so if ya can watch over him.. and everyone else for that matter .. Love you Thanks
Name: Kyle
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20:35:03 11/04/03
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Whats up man, i havent wrote in forever. I cant belive its already been six months. Me and my brother will occasionally talk about everything and we have become so much more closer from our talks and stuff its just crazy. I have so much respect for my brother that he can sit and talk to me about u and all of the other shit he has had to deal with its pretty cool that he can talk with me about it. well anyways man sorry i havent wrote in a while, keep lookin out for ur family and friends. peace
Name: Amy
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10:26:56 11/04/03
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If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane...
We would all walk up to heaven and bring you home again!!!
We miss you graf!
Name: Kate
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21:16:48 11/03/03
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Hey Grafmeister~Man schools been so crazy, so extremely busy. These last few months have really started to put my life in prospective. I was reading Hillary's message to you, shes so right. Its crazy how being away at school really changes everything, my life also feels like its really falling apart sometimes. I had my life planned out by 17, and now everything and everyone is changing. It gets to be really hard to deal with sometimes. I wish you were around to talk to about it all Er. You were always one of the friends I could depend on. It still hurts so bad to know you never will be, I guess in ways you always will be, but its obviously different now. To Hillary~My parents have always said that same line about family always being there, I know its true, but sometimes you need more then just that reassurance, Hang in there kid, Im hoping it gets easier too! Graf...I miss you....I hope everyday that your happy now....Until we meet again~I love you always~Katie
Name: A close friend
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09:20:39 11/03/03
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I now know you were betrayed by two of your really good friends. I am just sick about it. You cared about everyone. I can't believe these friends could b so evil. I just keep thinking how u were there for everyone and i get even sicker knowing that these 2 were jerkin u around. It's a shame that the people you trusted the most were stabbing you in the back. Sorry buddy, i wish i could of known sooner then, maybe you'd still b here. Rest in peace knowing that they have to live with this the rest of their lives. You are the greatest. Luv ya.
Name: Miss you
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08:09:20 11/03/03
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Eric,Where are you? Without you I hate each day more and more. I find myself hating everyone. I can't concentrate on anything but you. I keep praying for a miracle to happen and I won't ever stop. Love to you always.
Name: Foote
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19:08:05 11/02/03
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what up bro, its been awhile i have been workin and shit. still think bout u everday. still havent cut my hair since u have been gone. almost as long as ur was. but i need u still watch over me. i have gettin myslef into some dumd shit, but it just helps take away the pain, it sucks being away from everybody. but u know its all about the green.but im out later bro
Name: Hill
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10:19:59 11/02/03
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Hey Er~Yea So it's already been 6 months and about a week. I cant believe that it is a reality. Being away at school, I feel as though my life is falling apart. I miss my friends from home, but you are always with me no matter what. It's so weird, but after you left I grew up in a way. I had my life planned out by 17. I realized yesterday that people let you down. People that say that they love you. My parents always said, that at the end of every day, I will always have my family, and it's true. They are the only people that will love me no matter what I do. I ask myself and try to reason to myself how you did this to your family. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone. We just want you back. Everyone at school always say that their senior year was amazing and that it was the best year of their life. I dont remember prom night, or graduation, or spring break, or social. I remember Bridgets face when I first saw her after your death. I remember walking into the funeral home and looking at the girls and telling them that I couldn't do it. I remember hugging your mom and not wanting to let go. I remember seeing all of the boys circle around your casket, and then everyone. I remember watching as your friends have to grow up faster than they should have and carry your casket. I remember trying my hardest to stand up straight at mass and not fall over. I remember my mom telling me that "Eric died last night". I remember begging her to go to the hospital because I couldn't believe it. I will always remember the love and the closeness that all of our friends gained from that whole terrible experience. I dont accept your deaht, I never will. But I do accept that life is full of change, and I always need to go on. With, or without the people that I love.
With all of my love forever,
Hillary
Name: phill
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11:49:31 10/31/03
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what up G$. just like luke said man we think about u all the time. ur missed a lot. but i just wanted to say happy halloween and take care of everyone buddy. later man
Name: Luke
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11:30:17 10/29/03
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G,
What up playa? Haven't said what up in a while. Things are so different now a days man, everyone's at school and shit its crazy. Through all of the stuff going on i still think about ur ass every day. I got a picture of me and you wasted haha sittin in the middle of my bulletin board. You still make me laugh haha. Well i hope you're chillin up there and everything is goin well. We all miss and love you like always!! Keep it real bro!
Luke
Name: Bridget
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21:20:42 10/27/03
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Graf...I know it has been a while since I wrote to you and it took alot for me to actually do this. I think about you all the time and I always will. Not a day goes by Graf where I dont think of you or just a memory of you that I have there is always something someone does or says that makes me think of you and all of our friends just chillin together. I cant believe it has been six months since any of us have been able to see or talk to you. The memory of me finding out that you were gone feels like it was just yesterday and everyone just coming together and comforting eachother. It just tears me apart to think that we have been missing someone so special for six months now. You need to be here with all of us. So much has changed now that you are gone and as much fun as I am having now, sometimes I wish we could just all go back to the days where we would all just be chillin together and you and all the boys would get soo crazy and funny. I miss all that but I know I cant go back to that and even if I did it wouldnt be the same because you wouldnt be here. I try soo hard to just accept your decision but I cant and I never will be able to. I guess I just have to learn to deal with it and even that is a huge struggle that I dont know if I can do. There are and always will be soo many questions running through all our heads on why you did what you did. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that you are now at peace and that you are happy. I miss you soo much and I think about you all the time. Watch over us all and take special care of your mom dad and your brother.
I love you always and forever!!!
Bridget
Name: Jess
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20:58:48 10/27/03
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Just thought I'd stop by and say hi and see if ur doin good and what not. Hope ur livin it up...up there hun. We all still miss ya and think bout ya all the time! XoXo
Name: Jill
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07:52:50 10/24/03
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think about you all the time... miss you Graf!!!! love ~Jill~
Name: jessie
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00:00:56 10/24/03
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well...red/curly hair- its everywhere - not nearly as bright as yours,but definitely close enough to remind me of you. RIP kid luv always.
jessie
Name: Just someone...
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20:59:58 10/23/03
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Hey Er, Wow 6 months already. With each passing day I would think its going to get better and u're in a better place now but its not. its getting worse for me buddy. i'm losing my mind without you. you were such a great person. i'm stuck now and can't seem to get myself out. i miss you so much. you were always there to make everyone else's day better. gosh i love that smile of yours. i was just looking at pics of you and i tonight and it brought back so many memories. i can't wait to see you again. keep watching down on us all and keep on smiling and craking the jokes. Love you Er
Name: cait
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11:13:59 10/23/03
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hey kiddo, just tellin ya i'm still thinking about you all the time! i'm going home for the first time this weekend, and i just wish i could see you...a few days ago i was waiting for carli and a couple other people outside her dorm and this guy was walking up with red hair glasses and a winter hat on and for a split second my stomach dropped...but then reality set back in...i miss you so much eric and i think of you everyday, i love you kid.
-cait
Name: Lauren Patrizi
E-Mail:
AIM: lamariedmb
07:48:12 10/23/03
Comments:
Hi Eric,
I'm sitting in the computer lab right now at school. Even with all the excitement going on in my life at this particular time, I still think about you everyday. Every few hours or so, you're on my mind. We all miss you dearly and I just wanted to send my love and prayers with you....... Bye Eric
love,
Lauren
Name: kelly
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22:07:16 10/20/03
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Graf-
Ya know as the years past by, me and you started drifting apart. Neither one of us ever had the time nor did we really bother to try. But i cant forget about you. Its been months and now i am away at college. So many times i find myself talking about you. Whether its telling a graf story or talking about your death... Recently, i've found myself stuck in a depression and i just cant seem to move past it. Nothin is ever right and there is nothin i can do to fix it. When i read everyones messages i realize it will be ok. It reminds me that people out there do care...and i want to thank you for that. You always were there for people ,cheering them up and you continue doing that through this site. it honestly helps me and others... i still miss you so much. hope heaven is treatin you well bud! i'll be talkin to you soon.
Name: Courtney
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20:33:22 10/20/03
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Hey Eric...your name comes up a lot lately...I always find it weird how even though you're gone...you're still always on everyone's mind. Even now I get the chills when I see someone that slightly looks like you walking on the street....all I know is this song on this page now and always will remind everyone of you. I hope you're having fun...we still miss you, love you, and wish you were here once more. <3 Courtney
Name: Shannon
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11:38:27 10/18/03
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Hey Cutie.. Wow.. almost 6 months since you were gone. We're all still missing you like crazy. Seriously I dont think there's been any day out of the 246 days you have been gone that I haven't thought about you. I've had so many close calls with different things in the past couple of months, and it seems like you've guided all of us right through it. You truly are all of our guardian angels. I drive past your house every once in a while, it sends chills up my spine. I remember chillin in your basement watchin tv n just hangin out. I remember we watched "The Best of the Dave Chappelle Show" in your basement, we took one of the longest journeys in the Crown Vic and waited till it was time to watch it. Damn do I miss those days! There's reminders of you everywhere, even in the smallest things. Please continue to watch over all of us.. Love you babe
Name: Me again
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08:14:52 10/15/03
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Eric I miss you so much. I just don't think I'm going to make it without you. I need so much to talk to you and to hug you. You were my life.
Name: * A Loving Friend*
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13:36:07 10/14/03
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Wow Eric! i miss you so much!! you were the sweetest kid in the whole world!! i hope you are up there with Bijan and Chris i didnt know Chris that much but i know you would be a friend to anyone!!! i cant believe how many more people we have lost since april we all miss you so much all of the graduation parties werent the same without you!! hell the whole summer wasnt the same with out your smiling face. for some reason the sun didnt shine as bright as it did when you were with us well buddy i miss you talk to you later!!!
Love ya lots!!!
Name: *!Someone Who Cares Styll~*
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09:52:30 10/13/03
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I kant believe its been awhile..it still feels like it just happened.. i think bout u everyday...every1 has been dyin since u have...its really hard..after i read all the things bout Chris Kutz..its really sad...its been almost 6 months since it and i still cry bout it...it really hard to see sooo many people go away without even sayin goodbye for no reason...alot of people dont need this hurt in their lifes right now..its really hard thing to go thru..i went thru it 3 times since people died in my family...my grandma..my aunt...and friends family members its a really hard thing to go thru..i feel every1s pain for this loss of a special person!Rip Graf-Kutz-Barry-every1 else tat lost someone i feel ur pain
Name: Cait
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19:34:25 10/12/03
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well kid i just wanted to let you know i'm still thinking about you all the time. last night some shit went down and me car talked about you for a long time with two of our friends here and it's just another example of how you are still touching people's lives everyday. it's hard to explain this to other people because i still don't understand and i'm still not okay with any of this but i just want you to know i love you so much and i miss you everyday. little things remind you all the time and i just smile thinking about how amazing you were and how much you touched everyone's life who knew you. i miss you so much buddy. nothing is the same and it never will be. i'll see you again someday. keep looking after everyone especially your mom and dad and dave. i love you eric
love cait
Name: Ur boy
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23:44:08 10/08/03
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Damn G-money it's been a while since i've left a message... but not a day goes by where ur not brought up in convo... or when i'm day dreamin in class thinkin bout the times we had. I wish you were here right now wit me, so we coulda called that RA a douche 2gether... and prolly woulda fought his ass or sumden. Just last nite me n retard were sittin in our room talkin bout how much we miss u and possible reasons for ur leavin us. The only reason that made sense to me was that you were put here... to meet us sophomore year and basically change our lives forever. That summer was definately the best time of my life.. even tho i spent 90% of it workin n shit... but the time i had i wuz wit u and the boys. I know ur watchin over us all the time bro... keepin us outta shit, and for that no1 can repay you. I'll c ya when i get there bro.
Name: Jenny
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21:39:57 10/08/03
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hey buddy i just wanted to come say HI! I miss u and think about u all the time. Me and stace were talkin the other day about you......its just not the same. We were sayin how we know u would have been down here w/ joe all the time! Well i love u and miss you graffy! love~Jenny
Name: Redhead
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19:16:49 10/08/03
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It took me forever to gain the courage and strength to talk to you, but now time has passed and I have learned how. You are always "there" to talk but I just wish you were "here."I had never been through anything like what happened with you, so it was a long process of confusion, misunderstanding, and grieving. I am stronger now and I learn to understand more everyday that maybe you are happier now. Just a short message I felt I needed to write it down, but the rest is expressed through my thoughts.
And, of course you probably know already we love you and obviously no one has forgotten about your legend.
Name: Court
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15:56:39 10/07/03
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Hey Graf, I miss you more than you know. At first people were saying that it will get easier, but it doesn't. The pain just changes. I miss you now and always will. I was at a football game last week and I saw a kid with red hair. I was in my seat, which was behind him, as he was walking. I got up from my seat; I actually got up and walked towards him. I was wishing it would be you, I wished that I could run up behind him and hug him as hard as I could , and that it would really be you. That you would turn around, see me, yell "Courty"(which only you and my little brother have ever called me)and hug me back! But I knew, deep down I knew, that it couldn't be you. None the less, I walked behind him and then he turned around about 15 feet in front of me and I saw that it wasn't you. My heart sank, I knew that it was not possible, but I still wished it was you. Sometimes I think that the better I am or the more I pray, that you will come back. Like a little kid on Christmas, thinking that if he is a good kid he would get exactly what he asked for. But this isn't the case. You are not coming back, not here. I will hopefully see you one day when I come to you, but that shouldn't be for a long while. Until then I will keep wishing and praying, not to help my own grief, but for you and your family's happiness. I hope you are enjoying yourself up there, buddy. I love you and take care of yourself!
~Your Courty
Name: a friends brother
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14:14:52 10/07/03
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it happened along time ago but i still think of u everyday.
their was a bonfire at my houseand for 5 minutes everybody held hands and sum 1 said a prayer.
im not ur age but you were friends with my brother.
i hope u are there chillin with god R.I.P
Name: Kristie
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07:56:35 10/07/03
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Well Eric, I still come on this site every now and then but don't always feel the need to write.. today's just different I guess. Whether it's most of your friends in college or back here in high school, you're still thought about.. talked about..Sometimes things for me get harder than usual, and I guess now is one of those times.. but I'd love to tell you that this site is so comforting and full of so much love that I can't help but feel a little bit better every time I come here.. and I just wanted to thank you for that. And it's good to know that life goes on, but memories stay forever.. and we love you soo much.. I'll come visit you again sometime soon
Love Always :)
Kris
Name: Me
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13:31:59 10/06/03
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Hi Eric,With each passing day I miss you more and more. It does not get any better. If you can't come back, please come get me. I am nothing without you. Love you.
Name: John
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21:48:11 10/05/03
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Eric,
I have thought about you a lot since you've been gone. We weren't as close as we were freshman and sophomore year in high school, but auto shop was great. It was nice to have someone in there with me who knew a thing or two about cars. I wish you were here to enjoy the college life. I am probably the last guy you would expect to join a frat, but it has been crazy, I wish you were still around. I will never forget you. Love and Respect.
John
Name: monica
E-Mail:
AIM: Lilprincipessa85
19:50:57 10/04/03
Comments:
Hey graf~
Its me again. So today my grandma showed my mom, one of my aunts and i one of her "italian secret receipes". When we were done making it we cooked it and my other aunt and her husband came over and we all ate it.. it was soo good!!! Well what i'm getting at is that after we ate my aunt told us that my oldest cousin have Leukemia and i broke down in tears and then she was saying how he held a shot gun up to his head and he was going to kill himself.... So as u prob already know i was just hoping that u could do me a huge favor and watch over him because he's not the kind of person who talks freely and no one really knows whats going on. Its so scary and i just dont know ne more....what is going on? what is the world comming to? Who's going to be next? She waited 6 months to tell us and i saw him at a wedding in august and it seemed as though everything was okay .... gosh i just donno what to do ne more i just want to cry and cry and cry..... i donno .... its so hard... so if u could just watch over him for me i would deeply appreciate it !!! I love u man and i am always thinking of u !!
RIP and i'll see u when the big man decides its time for me to join u !! Love u !MONICA
Name: natalie
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09:02:07 10/04/03
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hey eric, whatcan i say...after all this time w/o a doubt u are still missed ... you always cross my mind... i love u eric...i know ur watching over us
Name: J
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22:01:00 10/03/03
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What's up buddy. I've been thinkin a lot about ur ass....I miss you so much man. You were one of my boyz, it just sucks to go far away off to college and live a good crazy life and then realize that you can't join. I'm just glad that you're happier, but I wish you were here sippin' this beer with me mannn.... You're my dawg forever big red and I will never stop thinkin' about you...Love you man, hang in there and I'll keep in touch.
Name: Liz
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15:40:19 10/03/03
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Eric,
i cannot begin to tell you how much i miss you, now that school has started its so weird not being at home around the poeple you grew up with your whole life. Sometimes ill be walking down the sidewalk to a class and think i see you . i have to tell you its the strangest thing ever. you are so missed. no one can ever fill the void of not having you around. i hope you're doing well up there, i know you've made a million friends by now and say hello to Bijan for me, i know you two are lilving it up. everyone misses you. keep an eye on us. my prayers are with you and your family. love you forever. Liz
Name: Billy Beechy
E-Mail: TyroneShoolaces@aol.com
AIM: TyroneShoolaces
23:59:52 10/02/03
Comments:
Wuts up Big Red? i been thinkin about you a lot man. we all miss you a ton right now. i love visiting this page just to see your smile. college is a blast man, wish you could be here with us. well i just wanted to say Hey and i love you bro. watch over us all and help me through the rough times. laterbilly
Name: To all
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19:40:52 10/01/03
Comments:
It is amazing to see how many pages you have....Look at all the other websites....NOONE has this many passages. How could you have not felt loved Eric? I always wonder what could have possibly happened to this guy to make him feel there was NO way out. I don't know and I don't even think any of your close friends are sure. Noone was worth your life. I have heard nothing but good things about you. It makes me so sad to come on here not even KNOWING you...Knowing anything about you....Not having a chance to get to know what a great person you were.I am not the type of person you would have liked to hang out with in high school. I was from a diffferent crowd, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't have gotten along. Everything I know about you is in this site. It is weird to think that I was good friends with Robert but this website is way more mood setting for me. The music and everything. This whole site just makes me think. Your life was so precious. It is such a shame you didn't give yourself the chance to live on. To all of Eric's friends and family-- I know you have heard this plenty of times....So many times....and it may just seem like another person saying "sorry" and not knowing what they are talking about cuz it has never happened. It has happened to me, I know how it feels to lose people close....it just seems like Eric's case is even worse. I am not saying that different ways of dieing deserve more sympathy but my heart truely goes out to you all. You are all such strong people having gone through this. It is fact that he has left a little piece ofhis heart for every one of you and you all carry him with you/ Whether it is back at home, away at school somewhere in IL....Texas...New York...anywhere he is with you all. My heart goes out to the friends and family and my prayers are with us all everyday.... "Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on. " -Blow
Name: ~*~
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14:22:09 10/01/03
Comments:
Eric-
I dont know where to start...
It seems just like yesterday you and your bro would be hanging out with Joe while I was at Hill's. You were such an amazing, fun-loving person. I find myself constantly thinking about you and how you touched soooo many people's lives. The other day I was at work and Green Day came on and I just stood right where I was and my body was filled with the chills. Although we weren't extremely close throughtout high school I still have soo many wonderful memories of you. My mom is continuously thinking of your mom! and my lil sis always remembers you because your red hair. She felt so cool knowing someone else with red hair. Eric you touched so many people's lives that you didnt even know. I wish you back with us...Please watch over everyone, I know you are. Thanks for being our gardian angel Er. We all miss you soooo much....
Name: Kovacs
E-Mail: rlkovacs@eiu.edu
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14:05:02 10/01/03
Comments:
Hey man....yeah its been a while since ive been on here...I guess everytime i come here it just makes me want to open up all the grief that is mostly gone. Now I just think of all the crazy ass times we chilled together from parties to school to chillin at Bookhouts. I miss it all. And i guess at times it is harder to deal when here at school im with so many new people and at times I wish things could just go back to how they used to be...Chillin with all the people of the LW area. Jeeze man College is insain though dont get me wrong. The partying is awesome and i feel all that class shit is pretty easy...People come down to visit all the time and I know you would have been with them. I wish we could party our balls off together again but hey things in life dont always go the way we planned. Ive been thinkin about you a lot lately and I miss you more and more everyday. I will never foget the great times and I will see you again hopefully many a few years down the road...Peace out Bro...Love and miss you.
-Cofax
ha i still remember u puttin my name in your cell phone as Cofax instead of Kovacs...good times...
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